Have you ever had one? Maybe it's the gloomy winter weather that had me down (in fact, I think I could probably be diagnosed with winter depression) but I was having some serious self worth issues this winter. Spring could not be more welcome, even if it does come with horendous allergies.
Being a Mom is awesome. Let's get that out there right off the bat. I wouldn't change that for anything. Not a million bucks. Not a perfect body. Not a career. Not a bunch of awards hanging on my wall. Not anything.
BUT.
Sometimes I feel like I am losing my identity as a person. I went to a convention that Blair's company put on, and I watched woman after woman walk to the podium to accept awards based on their success in their jobs. Some were mothers, some were not, but I couldn't help wishing just a little that I could win some award.
So then I started thinking about all the options I have. Things that I could do that would be ALL. ABOUT. ME. Things that would give me an identity that wouldn't be based on someone else. If I really thought that getting a degree, starting a business, getting a job or something along those lines would make me happier, then maybe I would do that. But I am not convinced. I worry that if I did try that, I would just be less happy because I would have given less of myself to my children in the process and would have failed at the most important job I have. Maybe when my children are older...
I love my role. I was born to be a mother. I dreamed about it all my life. I am so grateful for a husband that supports our family while I stay home. I love doing it. Nothing brings me more joy, and I doubt anything could ever compete. Sometimes it's just hard.
4 comments:
you are not alone, my friend. not really any advice, just wanted to offer some company, ha.
Well, truth be told about a week ago I was crying to Adrian about this very thing. Exactly. And I went to bed not feeling any better or like I had come up with any kind of solution. I know what I am, and I love it, but I'm not exactly sure WHO I am. What defines me? But at least we're not alone.
I went through this same thing a month or so ago. But yes, you are not alone. Can I offer a suggestion? One thing that has helped me is finding something every day that I do that is only for me. Early in the morning I go running, and during naptime I crochet. It doesn't matter what you do, just do something that is all about you. It has helped me tons! Being a stay at home mom is hard. :) Hope you feel better.
Well, let me tell you. I think we all go through this. Starting my photography business was a little something to give me that "identity". Partly. But then it started consuming my life- and I could never play with my kids without having something in the back of my head about things that needed to get done. It was sad. Because of that I have slowed WAAAAY down. I can now play with my kids whole-heartedly and know I am being the best mom I can be because in the end it really IS the most rewarding thing we can do- hard times and all. And we are incredibly blessed to have this chance.
Post a Comment