Identity Crisis

Have you ever had one? Maybe it's the gloomy winter weather that had me down (in fact, I think I could probably be diagnosed with winter depression) but I was having some serious self worth issues this winter. Spring could not be more welcome, even if it does come with horendous allergies.

Being a Mom is awesome. Let's get that out there right off the bat. I wouldn't change that for anything. Not a million bucks. Not a perfect body. Not a career. Not a bunch of awards hanging on my wall. Not anything.

BUT.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing my identity as a person. I went to a convention that Blair's company put on, and I watched woman after woman walk to the podium to accept awards based on their success in their jobs. Some were mothers, some were not, but I couldn't help wishing just a little that I could win some award.

So then I started thinking about all the options I have. Things that I could do that would be ALL. ABOUT. ME. Things that would give me an identity that wouldn't be based on someone else. If I really thought that getting a degree, starting a business, getting a job or something along those lines would make me happier, then maybe I would do that. But I am not convinced. I worry that if I did try that, I would just be less happy because I would have given less of myself to my children in the process and would have failed at the most important job I have. Maybe when my children are older...

I love my role. I was born to be a mother. I dreamed about it all my life. I am so grateful for a husband that supports our family while I stay home. I love doing it. Nothing brings me more joy, and I doubt anything could ever compete. Sometimes it's just hard.

My week.

For journaling purposes:

Monday-

I start to feel a burning sensation every time my milk lets down. More than usual. Also some soreness. I begin to wonder if it is what I think it is. By noon, the sensation is quite a bit worse, so I call to get an antibiotic called in, just in case. By evening, I am feeling feverish, so I start taking it.

Tuesday-