Miss me?

So, it's be a while. My last post was about my baby being born, and that was just about 7 months ago. (although I actually wrote that post when she was 3 months old...:/ )

For a second I thought I was just going to give up. "I'll never catch up, so why bother?"

So I decided not to catch up. I'm just going to move forward. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years and V-day and St. Patricks (well...at least SOME of us wore green ;) ) and Easter and here we are!

But the biggest thing you've missed is that we're building a HOUSE!

We're building 6.7 miles from our current house. And it's in the same ward. It should be done early September, and we just listed the house we're in. Crazy stuff! (more pictures on that later)

My baby is 6 1/2 months and she just started getting up on hands and knees and rocking yesterday! She seems to be slightly ahead of her sibs on that one. She has brown hair (though it's getting lighter) and blue/green/brown eyes. I suspect she'll lose all the blue, but maybe not! She's been the easiest little thing in the world. But I should stop telling people that cause I fear she'll turn on me any day...

My boy is turning 3 in less than a month. GEEEEEZ. I remember Cami's third year going WAY slower. He's been a sweet guy, although he does have a rebelious streak. And he's struggling with speech. We're going to have to look into that...

Cami is approaching 5. She is turning into quite the young lady. She still can be a stinker, but she loves to help out more and more and is seriously the BEST big sister to Ali. (she's hit or miss with Noah...;) )  She will beg me in the morning to go wake her up and will sit outside her door until she hears the faintest sounds coming from her room and then tell me "SHE'S AWAKE!" I just love how much she adores her.

I'm happy to be back in the game (blogging) and hope to keep up more. There are so many fun things going on and I want to journal them. Thanks for being patient!

Baby Allison

On Tuesday, September 11th, I went in for my last OB visit. I was still at 2 cm, and was about 60% effaced. Dr. Link went ahead and scheduled me to be induced that Thursday, September 13th.

Thursday morning, I called the hospital as instructed at 5am.They told me there were no beds available. I had laid away since 3am waiting for the clock to hurry up, and was so deflated when I was turned away. I took a bath to calm myself and cried for a good 30 minutes. I was so worried I'd have to wait through the weekend. So worried I'd have to drag myself to church AGAIN after telling everyone not to expect me.

After calling back a couple more times and being told they were stull full, I decided to wash my hair and completely re-dry and straighten in. I had it perfect so that all those pictures I knew would be taken would turn out as well as they could, considering. But I thought this would give me something to do to take my mind off it. As soon as I got my hair dry so that it was a giant frizz ball on my head, the hospital called and told me to come in ASAP. Isn't that just how it goes? So I ran around frantically and threw a tiny bit of makeup on and headed to Jessica's house to drop off the kids.

We got all checked in, and they hooked me up to the pitocin right away. The doctor came in to check me and before I knew it, he had broken my water. I was still a 2-3 and hadn't progressed near as much as I figured I had. 2 hours later I was still a 3. 2 hours later a 3 1/2. Things were taking their own sweet time. As things progressed, the pain worsened and I decided to go for getting the epidural. I had held off thinking it would slow things down even more, and since I had lost a few hours in the morning, I didn't want this to take any longer than it had to. BUT, as soon as I got the epidural, things progressed much more quickly. I went from a 4 (when I got the epidural) to a 10+2 in 1 1/2 hours. 8 cm, people.

I was laying on my side trying to get some rest, and I felt pressure. I paged the nurse to come check, and she felt a head!! She quickly called my Dr, and I tried to keep that baby inside and after a few short pushes, she was born! I didn't tear at all, and everything went SO smoothly. She was a perfect 7lbs 10oz. When they laid her on me, I immediately noticed that her hair looked dark. I didn't want to believe it for fear of being dissapointed. But I just couldn't stop staring at it. Could it really be? I know it sounds silly to be so obsessed with this, but I had given up hope for a brunnette. I love my blondes, but there is something about knowing that a child of yours got something from you. Something obvious. Something that people will say makes them "look like you". That's all I wanted. And that's what I got. My girl is now 3 months old, and those gorgeous dark brown locks have not changed.

My heart is heavy

I've been way behind. I haven't even posted about my perfect little baby and her birth and how amazingly perfect she has been.

Maybe I'll backtrack soon, but for now:

My heart is so heavy. It is aching. I have tried to distract myself and I have tried to feel love and faith, but I just feel horror and disgust. And fear. I am not used to the fear part. I don't tend to be afraid. I don't tend to worry. But now I do. And while I hope these feelings go away, I'm afraid of letting them go. I'm afraid I'll forget how I feel now, and I'll drop my guard and something will happen. Something terrible. But how could something like this really have been prevented? It couldn't have possibly been anticipated. I'd have to keep my children indoors all day, every day. I know I'll have to send them out into the world, but the world is so ugly and scary. Why must it be so ugly and scary?

They were just children.

Just like my children.

Cami's First Day

I tried a few times, but the girl cheeses so big that she's always squinting these days. I'm so excited about this girl's first day. She has been asking almost everyday the last few MONTHS when it will be time to go to preschool.

Blair has Wednesday mornings off, so he was able to go with us to drop her off. I think he was more emotional about it than this 8 1/2 month pregnant momma. ;) He sure loves his goose...

When I picked her up, she was happy as could be. We got home, and I could hear her from the other room making up songs about her teacher and how much she loved her. I'd call that a success!

Woke up last night at 4 am to go to the bathroom. As I lay back down, I realized how intensely hungry I was. I tried to ignore it and get myself to fall back asleep, but it was hopeless. After I ate, I was in no shape to jump back into bed, so I ran a bath and got in. Finally around 5:15 I slipped back into bed. I still couldn't get back to sleep. I was super anxious. For the first time, I actually FELT like this was coming. And soon. When I hit 37 weeks, I hoped and wished that this baby would come that week, but deep down, I knew it wasn't going to happen for at least another week. I was content and confident that I was right. And of course, I was. Laying in bed this morning was the first time I've felt any anxiety about being ready and all of that. I was so sure that I was running out of time that I *almost* jumped back up and started packing the kids' bag and typing up a sheet on how to care for them. I decided that since I haven't really had any major contracting that that was silly, so I didn't.  I'm sure Blair appreciates that...

But I guess today will be devoted to getting ready. I mean, I'm ready. I've BEEN ready. But I always just said to myself that I could do all that loose-end stuff very quickly between contractions and everything would be fine. I don't really feel so confident anymore...

Thankfully, I finally got back to sleep around 6:30 and since I've been SUPER spoiled with children that rarely wake me up in the morning, I was able to sleep until 8 and now I feel mostly human. (If it's possible to feel human with a full-term baby kicking the crap out of you) They camped in the hall until I opened the door. Those sweet kids...

SOOO...not putting any bets on when this baby will come. I don't trust my gut enough for that. BUT, I'm gonna be ready by the end of today. And even if she doesn't come until my planned induction date (the 13th) at least I won't feel the need to lay awake in the early morning hours thinking about how I'm not prepared. :)

Hello again.

Yes, I'm still pregnant.

Also, I just made my blog public again. I flip-flopped. Truthfully, I feel like making my blog private didn't really have the effect that I was hoping it would (to be free to be more personal, blog more without worrying about who would read, etc etc) so I decided to go back to how it was.

Thanks to the three people who still read when it was private. I appreciate you :).

36.

Blah. No picture today. My week mark was actually yesterday, but it's been a crazy week. Noah had a little procedure on Tuesday to redo another little procedure he had done the day he was born (if you know what I mean...) and while he's doing REALLY great, he has been a lot more needy and tender. So we've just been trying to lay low and keep he and Cami from wrestling too much...

I've been feeling pretty awful. I've been having sharp pains in my pelvis and if I sit down for any amount of time and try to get up, I'm as sore and stiff as can be, and yet if I DON'T sit down frequently, I get dizzy, nauseous, and feel like blacking out. Quite the conundrum. I almost blacked out while driving to walmart (like 5 minutes from my house) and had to pull over just short of the walmart parking lot to regain control. Luckily Blair was in the car with us and was able to take over from there. I know it's not normal for the wife to drive when the husband is available, but I really like control, so I usually insist on being the one driving. Especially while pregnant because I can anticipate all the turns and bumps and not feel like I'm being thrown around willy nilly. I'm weird, I know. But that experience has led to Blair taking the wheel anytime he's around. And yet, I still get dizzy and nauseous even while in the passenger seat. Lame. Also, I've been avoiding going ANYWHERE without Blair. Which means it took me all week to answer "yes" to the "Are you going grocery shopping today?" question. Sorry, Blair...

I can still sleep fairly well through the night, maybe having to get up once to go to the bathroom, but I do well otherwise. It's when I wake up in the morning that I have issues. I wake up stiffer than ever and feel like my legs don't work. Yesterday morning was the worst. I woke up with leg-aches in both legs from the tips of my toes to my hip joints. The pain was incredibly awful and throbbing, and yet, I couldn't just lay in bed because my poor Noah wakes up without any pain meds in his system (just from sleeping them off) and is pretty "ouchie" in the mornings.  I sure hope the boy heals very soon...:(

I'm big and huge and have many fewer shirts that I feel comfortable wearing these days but refuse to purchase a single additional item since I'm so close. It's annoying. Even a few of the pieces of clothing that I SWORE would make it all the way are feeling like they just don't fit quite right. I feel like I wear the same thing every day. It really bugs me.

Anyway. Usually I try to dumb it down for the "official record", but I just don't have a filter these days, and so that's that!  Pregnancy pretty much bites. Can't wait to see this cute, sweet little girl and to be done being this way!

6 more weeks. I can do this!

Feeling happy today. Good day for a blog post about being 34 WEEKS PREGNANT. :) It's Friday, it's rainy (which means at least a few degrees cooler, right?), and we have limited plans/obligations this weekend. Yay. :)

Still hurting. Still uncomfortable. Losing my mind and forgetting EVERYTHING, but 6 weeks isn't that long. I can make it.

I have to say...I look at the 32 week pic next to this one, and is it just me or is the difference substantial? I feel HUGE.

32 Weeks!

Super sweaty hands and feet (but no swelling yet, thank goodness)

Super sore hips, pelvis, and pretty much everything else.

Arms and legs starting to "fill out" (aka GET FAT)--which means I just pulled out the LARGE maternity jeans and put away the Medium. Sad.

Serious lack of motivation to do anything fun with my kids.

Change my clothes 3 times a day because I sweat like crazy if I so much as STEP outside. (what is with this HEAT?!)

Actually sleeping pretty well most nights since my belly can rest on itself more and doesn't just droop as much as it did last trimester. A friend let me borrow a maternity pillow, which helps me GET to sleep, but I tend to wake up in a panic that someone is smothering me and it ends up on the floor by morning. Darn Clausterphobia...

HUNGRY all the time for everything NOT good for me. Especially Snickers bars. Not usually my favorite go to candy bar, but I can't get enough. 

The occasional bout of depression, but it hasn't been as bad this time around. I should probably thank summertime for that, at least.

That's all I can think of as far as symptoms. Things are getting harder and less comfortable, but I can count the weeks on my fingers, so I know it's just a matter of being patient. Here's to hoping the next 8 weeks go as quick as they can!

Been kinda nuts-o around here.

These last two weeks have been exciting, to say the least. Noah has been getting into EVERYTHING. Let's see if I can list all the major messes:

1. Sunscreen all over self and carpet (LOVES getting sunscreen put on--I had left it out on the patio table)

2. Desitin all over self, carpet, and Cami's new comforter (naptime rebellion-had a rash and remembered where I stashed it the last time I changed him--top dresser drawer)

3. At least 2 gallons worth of water on kitchen floor from fridge door dispenser (trying to play tea party-we are trying to get into the habit of locking the buttons every time we get ourselves a glass of water. what a PAIN)

4. Broken door of new Media Cabinet. Was hanging on the door it broke completely off. It is rigged up with wood glue for now until we buy a new one, and we have to be OH SO careful when opening and closing the door to put in a movie.

5. 1/3 gallon of milk on carpet underneath dining table (hadn't cleared the table after dinner quite yet. We do it IMMEDIATELY now)

6. Curtain rod pulled out of wall. I was loading the car to run errands, and as Cami got in the car she said "Don't go upstairs." Since I was in a hurry I decided whatever she was worried I would see could wait. When we got home and I went in my room I realized what she was worried I'd see. :(

7.  Probably 2 cups of bubble bath poured on guest room floor (this one was worst than the desitin, if you can believe it. Gave it 45 minutes of scrubbing and I was STILL getting suds out. I quit prematurely, but I just don't care anymore. My arms are quite sore...this was during another naptime when I thought he was sleeping. I came up to take a break myself to find him quietly playing in the puddle)

8. Marker all over naked body, counter, and wall

and

9.  a dug up potted plant--dirt EVERYWHERE in kitchen/eating area 

BOTH AS I WAS BUSY SCRUBBING BUBBLE BATH OUT OF CARPET!!!

10. baby lotion all over self and baby room carpet.

I am doing all I can to get one step in front of the child, but he continues to outpace me. Hopefully we can get things Noah-proofed around here a little better and prevent so many big messes in so short an amount of time again. I say this was all in 2 weeks, but in all honesty, it has been more like 9 days. Poor Cami gets to deal with a Mommy that's at her wits end most of the time...YEESH!!!

Now to go see what other crisis occured while I typed all this up...